What People Mean When They Talk About "Parts"
You've probably said it. Maybe even today.
“Part of me wants to just quit. But another part knows I'd regret it.” Or the classic, “I know I shouldn't, but part of me just doesn't care.”
We say it casually, the way we say "I'm starving" when we haven't eaten since noon. But here's the thing: that phrase is doing a lot more than you might think. And in therapy, we actually take it pretty literally.
No, You’re Not "Losing It"
First, let's get this out of the way: having parts does not mean you have multiple personalities. It doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It means you are a human being with a complex inner life!
In my practice, I love using a model called Internal Family Systems (IFS). IFS, developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, takes this idea of “parts” seriously, as a framework for understanding how we work on the inside. The premise is actually pretty simple: the mind is naturally made up of distinct sub-personalities, and each one has its own perspective, feelings, and intentions. Some of those parts get along great. Others are basically in a cold war with each other. Sound familiar?
So What Even Is a "Part"?
Think of a part as a voice, a feeling, an impulse, or a pattern of behavior that shows up in specific situations. You've got parts that protect you, parts that carry old pain, and somewhere underneath all of them, a core Self that IFS would say is calm, curious, and capable of leading. Think Disney’s “Inside Out,” except instead of emotions, you have “workers” that all have a different job.
There are a few categories worth knowing:
Exiles (Wounded Parts) are the parts that carry the heavy stuff. Old wounds. Shame. Grief that never quite got processed. These parts often got shoved to the back of the closet at some point in life because the feelings were just too much. They didn't actually go anywhere, though.
Managers(Proactive Protectors) are the parts working overtime to make sure you never have to feel those exiled feelings. They're the planners, the perfectionists, the people-pleasers. The “inner critic” that keeps you so…deflated to make sure you’re never complacent. They mean well…and they are exhausting.
Firefighters(Reactive Protectors) are the ones who show up when the Exiles get activated, and they need the feeling gone now (think fight or flight). This might look like scrolling your phone for two hours, eating your feelings, or picking a fight with your partner to redirect the energy somewhere else. Again…they mean well. Truly. They're just not always helpful.
The Self (Not actually a Part) represents the true essence of you; the core or “wise center” that is characterized by the “8 C’s,” as Schwartz describes: Calmness, Curiosity, Compassion, Confidence, Clarity, Connectedness, and Creativity.
Why Does This Actually Matter?
Here's the thing about IFS that I find genuinely beautiful and clinically very useful: it assumes that every part has a good intention, even the ones that look like self-sabotage from the outside.
That part of you that shuts down in conflict? It probably learned that going quiet kept things safer once upon a time. That part that overworks and never stops? It's probably terrified that if you slow down, everything will fall apart. These parts aren't your enemies. They're more like employees who've been doing the same job since 2003 and haven't gotten an update on current conditions.
The goal of IFS isn't to get rid of parts. It's to understand them, build a relationship with them, and eventually let your core Self do more of the leading.
What This Looks Like in an Actual Session
In practice, IFS work often starts with something like noticing. You're describing a situation, and I might ask: "Where do you feel that in your body?" or "What does that part want you to know?" It can feel a little strange at first, because we're not used to talking to our emotions, only about them.
But slowing down to actually get curious about what's happening inside, instead of just reacting to it, is where things start to shift.
When you can look at a part with some compassion instead of frustration, it tends to relax a little. And when that part relaxes, there's more room for the rest of you to show up.
The Part of You That Clicked on This Article
I'd bet something in you is a little curious about this, or maybe a little skeptical, or maybe both at the same time. That's fine! Those can both be here.
If any of this resonates and you've been wanting to understand yourself a little better, that's exactly the kind of work we do at The Margins. IFS is one of the lenses I use with clients because it offers a way to approach even the hardest stuff without shame, just genuine curiosity about what's going on inside.
You're not broken. You're just a lot of things at once. And I can work with that.
