What to Expect in Your First Therapy Session
Starting therapy in general, or with a new therapist, can feel daunting.
You’ve probably searched through many profiles trying to find someone who won’t pathologize you or jump to conclusions after the first five minutes. Even when you find someone you think you might vibe with…surprise! That’ll be six weeks before you can even make an appointment.
A mountain of documents to fill out and sign, checking with your insurance company to see what you’ll be expected to pay beyond a potential arm and a leg, and four outfit changes later…you’re ready to head to your session. After confirming the location 12 times and getting there 30 minutes early just to make sure you’re in the right spot, you start to have lotssss of thoughts about what you’re about to get yourself into.
Speaking from personal experience (yes, therapists DO and SHOULD go to therapy themselves), I’ve had my fair share of good, bad, and downright unethical therapists. Walking into a session for the first time can come with a mix of fear and relief, anxiety and excitement…but overall, a lot of unknown.
I encourage folks to give a therapist three sessions before deciding to move on or commit to ongoing work. There are exceptions to this, of course, but if you find yourself on the fence after the first session, give it another one or two before you bounce. The first session, the “intake,” is mostly about information gathering. Bland topics like practice policies, financial agreements, and symptom assessment can feel a little… dry. With me, a lot of this can be avoided if paperwork is filled out ahead of time ;)
Let’s take the mystery out of it.
What actually happens:
Step 1: You walk in (or log on if you’re doing a virtual session). Breathe.
Step 2: We settle in. (No, you don’t need to perform, have anything prepared, or stay composed if you’re barely hanging on. Also breathe).
Step 3: I’ll ask you some questions, but in a very chill, conversational way. I’m not interrogating you.
Step 4: You share as little or as much as you want. Therapy is only as effective as your willingness to participate, but that doesn’t mean I’ll launch you outside your comfort zone or expect you to dive into trauma you’re not ready to talk about. Especially in the first session.
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Now, you might be thinking:
“You’re going to judge me…”
“I need a perfect explanation of my problems so you understand what you’re dealing with…”
“What if I trauma dump—can you even handle that?”
“I’m doing too much.”
Breathe.
I am not diagnosing you in the first five minutes and shipping you off somewhere.
What I am paying attention to are things like:
How you talk about yourself
How you talk about your family members (your “system”)
Patterns in your relationships
What feels heavy versus what might feel protected
What your nervous system is doing
—
You’re allowed to feel unsure.
(Three sessions, remember?)
I’m also assessing whether I’m the right fit for you. It’s my responsibility as a therapist to practice within my scope of competence. If you’re bringing in something that would be better supported by someone else, I will give you referrals.
This work isn’t about stacking my schedule or maximizing income. It’s about making sure you get the care that actually helps. I’m not going to stand in the way of that.
Therapy is a relationship, not a transaction.
My goal in the first session is to create a space that feels safe enough for you to come back. A moment where you can exhale a little and start to experience what therapy can feel like. A place where your story can begin to unfold, without feeling rushed.
You don’t have to have it all figured out.
Starting therapy is the hardest part. If you’re here, you’ve already done something really brave.
If you’ve been sitting in the in-between, knowing something needs to shift but not quite sure where to start…this might be your sign.
You don’t have to do it alone.
When you’re ready, I’m here.
